Love, the most complicated thing in the world

The love of your life.

The man of your dreams.

Your one and only.

Your soul mate.

Your true love.

So often people throw these phrases around but I think until you've really fallen in love like for real for real in love in love with the person your destined to be with, you just don't understand.  Sounds funny right, coming from a 25 year-old.  I laugh when I hear myself saying such corny things to be honest....  You would think that if love is so meant to be... it wouldn't be so hard to make happen.  

I met the man of my dreams in March of 2006. On spring break.  I kid you not.  Sounds like one of those love at first sight moments... I've been drinking since I woke up at 11a.m. dressed in the clothes I wore the night before complete with spilled liquor on my shirt, I don't remember when the last time I ate was I think it was a hotdog two days ago?? and anti-sunscreen me has a severe sunburn.  Instead of hearing birds chirping in the background, I heard people screaming "Woo," "Yeah," and "Chug it!"  The epitome of romantic, trust me, I know. 

The moment I caught said man checking out my butt, I knew he was special.  I don't remember our first words or pretty much anything we discussed those next few days that we hung out (alcohol may have been involved...) but I remember liking this boy A LOT.  

He's even comparable to my knight in shining armor having saved me from potential danger when I insisted on stumbling back the two miles to my hotel BY MYSELF to ensure my besty was still alive.  I really thought all 100 pounds of me could fight off anything, rapist, murder or even a rabid dog.  I still think like this btw. A true gentlemen by anyone's standards.  

It's funny though, who would have thunk that anything could come of a crush from spring break.  The day that I left Ft. Lauderdale, I was overwhelmed with sadness.  A weird sadness.  I only met this strange boy two days earlier but I was really sad to say a goodbye forever.  He didn't want to hug me goodbye and I became pretty upset until he explained, "I hate saying goodbye."  I took that as a sign that he was feeling slightly sad too....  After returning to PA, Florida boy and I became pretty close friends trough facebook, IM, and eventually the phone.  Thank you technology!

It was kind of a miracle when he had a job interview in Ohio and was able drive to PA and see me in person (330 some days later).  It was even a nicer and a bigger miracle when Florida boy became Ohio boy and I then moved to Pittsburgh (the west side of PA) to earn my Masters.  Our relationship was moving forward from 20 hours to 6 hours to 4!

But it stopped.  Somehow between the years of 2006 and 2007, we managed to cut our distance five times... since then, well we haven't.  

I find this frustrating.  

Maybe I'm partially to blame.  I'm a fond believer in all those annoying sayings people like to say when you're upset: Everything happens for a reason, If it's meant to be, it'll be, etc.  I find these sayings to be inhibitors. They make it okay to give up because it's out of your control.. so you stop trying quite so hard... maybe that's my problem... I then find myself talking crazy, "Well maybe, maybe it's just not meant to be."  I usually know when to slap some sense back into myself, thank goodness.

I also believe in a supreme being who can fuck with you whenever He damn well pleases.  Thus my avid church going every single Sunday and the dollar bill I slip into the collection.  Alas, this has yet to be successful... Perhaps $20 will get better results?!

How long must two people go on proving their love for one another before something else good happens for them?  The hardest part is, I don't find myself loving this boy less each day because of the distance. Most of the time at least.  4 hours is a super long drive.  And, I hate hate hate driving.  Rather each day, he says something or does something or even just makes a stupid noise that makes me love him so much more.  Every time I learn something new about him, I find another reason to keep him as my own.  

Because I do believe in God, please let Him know that you too think Matthew and I should be together.  Or hey, if you know of a place in Pittsburgh looking for a handsome engineer or even just an engineer.. let him know!

These are a few of my least favorite things

When I get on the bus first thing in the morning, the last thing I want to do is talk to someone.  I'm confused why not everyone feels this way.  There are these people, these people who build relationoships with others on the bus so that each day then can be like, "Hey, how was your night?!" and gab about their boring evening of spaghettia and American Idol the entire way downtown.  Do you really care about what they ate last night or how many hours of television they watched, really? Granted, it's only like a 1.5 mile ride, but still... have you no courtesy for your fellow bus riders?? To you people, please stop.  Your conversations are so dry they make me gag.  Save discussing how you cooked wheat noodles as opposed to the typical white for the ride home.  Or even better yet, talk about something more interesting say... the girl fight you saw on the corner, or the man picking his nose in front of you.  Perhaps then, I would try to listen in on your converstation rather than turning the volume on my Ipod up so high, I can feel my eardrums popping.  

Other things I hate..... women who carry more than two bags with them to work.  In my opinion, even two is one too many but I guess some women find it necessary to have a messenger bag AND a purse.  But, a third bag... really.... is that necessary.  What could you possibly be carrying in that third bag that cannot touch the contents of the other two?  Perhaps, the idea of your potato salad spilling onto your shoes is gross.... but you can definatly fit that lunch pail inside one of the other bags.  I promise.  And, did I mention that these bags these women carry do not match??  They carry all these muli-colored, different patterned bags that bring to mind Joseph and his amazing coat.  They do not look good together, obviously.  I just got the greatest idea, invest in a larger bag!!  A bag that can carry everything (your lunch, shoes, books, papers, and heck... maybe even a pair of gym shorts!!)

Jessica Abel.... solving the world's problems one at a time.