The blood on the door of the stuck bus smells like cat pee.

Going on an all expense paid trip to D.C. to see all the sights with no lines in beautiful weather. OMG, sounds amazing, right?!?! Now, mix into that image, 80 very responsible and mature 16-year-olds. Riding on a bus for 4.5 hours with 38 of them as they each quietly read a book and walking from sight to sight with 19 of them as you have invigorating conversations about the history behind each monument and statue. Still, not too bad..... the majority of the last sentence was a lie.

Here are my favorite parts of this trip.

Day 1: Bloody massacre

I go out to wait for the bus at 5:15 am. With no one in sight, I stand there in my red raincoat and knee high brown boots. It dawns on me that I could totally pass as a hooker right now... No one offers money so I decide to keep my day job and chaperone the field trip. Day 1 runs smoothly regardless of the fact that I'm absolutely exhausted.

After touring downtown D.C., we finish the night with a trip to the bowling alley. I suck at bowling so I wasn't overwhelmed with anticipation of losing to my coworkers and having them make fun of all the gutter-balls I get but, the night went really well!!!!

Exhausted, I intend on crawling into bed as soon as I possibly can to help prepare me for the long teenager intense day ahead. The phone rings around 12:00. Ms. Erin, my roomie teacher answers.... "Blood everywhere... need brandades... room.... be right there." Hmmm.. she cut herself shaving cannot be that bad, right? ...We enter the hotel room. I was convinced someone was either shot or stabbed and the students lied. Towels saturated in blood, soak in a pool of pink water in the sink. The bathroom door has bloody fingerprints on it and when the injured student opens the door, there is blood spraying all the way down her leg from her thigh to her ankle. I hand her 12 bandages which she strategically places vertically onto the cut so that the sticky part is resting directly on the wound.. yet still there's not enough bandages to cover the whole wound... holy fudge! Good luck, I'm going back to bed. Don't even try to pull those bandages off because I'm not coming back when you scream in agony.

Day two: Cat peed in my bed

We walked to each of the memorials, ate at the post-office (I too easily convinced the students that I was paying for their lunch and that any change they received out of the $10 provided was to be returned to me... stupid conscience... I didn't take their moneys) and went to the American History Museum. A great afternoon! Return back to the hotel to prep ourselves for the dinner theater. YAY!

We have an hour to get ready which seems like such a long time so instead of getting ready, I and the roomie decide to watch television for 45 minutes. Bad idea. Lesson learned: Teenage girls never buy clothes that fit them... rather, they like to use safety-pins to pull together garments that otherwise would not cover their lady parts. Too bad I have no safety-pins and they're all knocking on my door non-stop as the other teachers continue screaming, "It's time to go, it's time to go"... whoops... just try to keep the girls hidden.... OMG, I need to get ready! In walks another student, gauze and medical tape all over her legs, she calmly says, "Miss Abel, I have a chemical burn. Do you have medical tape?" A chemical burn?!?! How does one get a chemical burn on their leg.... NAIR! I think that you girls should just give up on shaving and go all natural from here on out. I should just say no I don't have any because I'm not even close to ready and everyone is boarding the bus but I look through my snazzy first aid kit.. no medical tape. "Sorry."

We watch Hairspray which was everything the students and teachers wanted and more... great time!! Getting on the bus to leave I hear, "Miss Abel, you should be in a musical... you're so peppy... you're just like them... I could see you doing that." HAH! One thing you all didn't think about.... Miss Abel can't sing.... Student besides me says something... and I hear her say, "Miss Abel's on meds." What?! You can't say that! Stupid me I quickly respond, "Did you say I'm on meds?!?!" Instantaneous laughing erupts followed by accusations of me being drunk. "I said you's a mess!!!" Boss is sitting two seats in front of me... so you don't think I'm ready to be promoted.. that's a surprise...

When we return to the hotel I'm so tired I'm delusional and can barely stand. Must get sleep, NOW! Crawl into bed and manage to pass out by 12:30 (after handing out all the Tylenol provided and having a hotel scavenger hunt for feminine products). @ 1:10 the phone rings. I answer to hear faint giggling on the other end but no words. I don't exactly remember what I yelled but I know I was angry. Hopefully no cursing was involved. @ 1:26 the phone rings again... I answer to hear mumbling... ".. a cat... pee... smells... won't work.... no sleep." Wait wait, start over. "It smells like the house lady brought Fluffy with her to work, let her run around and pee everywhere and now I can't sleep because of the smell." Shoot, I did hear that right.... thought I was making it up. My response, "Honey, (interject very sweet words so when giving bad news doesn't come off as harsh) there's nothing I can do. I have no other place for you to sleep so you're just going to have to find a way to sleep there. I don't know what else to tell you......."

Day 3 What can go wrong, will go wrong

Moodiness is at it's peak. No sleep means I'm miserable... I get on the bus and the kids instantly notice I'm not my normal 'perky' self. ".. Miss A, what's wrong? You okay? You mad? What's wrong?..." tired. need. sleep. stop. talking.

Bus 2 is broken.

The kids handle the bus thing so well! I'm really impressed by the little complaining they are transmitting from their normally whiny mouths. We visit National Cemetery and ride Bus 1 back to hotel to eat lunch and get on a new bus that's on its way to rescue us. "Miss A, the bus is stuck! It's stuck! Look its wheels are spinning!! It's stuck." "No it's not...." I look, crap it is.. are you serious... there's no way... not even possible. The bus got stuck on the curb leaving the parking lot. 45 minutes later the bus is unstucked by some friendly construction workers with boards. Thanks to technology, the students riding Bus 1 who are still in Arlington hear of the news before the staff does....

Arrive in Pittsburgh, PA @ 7:00 pm. Students all leave downtown and the only thing that remains is an unclaimed pair of white boxers sitting all alone on the sidewalk directly in front of the Benedum Center. Although I'm unsure if they were dropped by one of my students or some strange man with a weird fetish... I picked them up with my bare hands and moved them myself. Your welcome.